You've made it this far. But before continuing down this path, going through the horrors to make it to the other side, not unscathed but transformed, pause and ask yourself the following questions. Every 'Yes' would count as a point to put you on a scale, from 0 to 10, that (vaguely) tells how "screwed" you are. But remember: It doesn't necessarily mean that you're a lost cause.
- Has life always seemed bizarre in an unsettling way to you?
- Have you experienced cruelty that scarred you?
- Are you drawn to the dark because you are concerned about what lurks there?
- Are there sides of you that you cannot show to most because they could consider you dangerous?
- Do normal customs and people leave you out or keep you at bay?
- Do you frequently have tormenting nightmares or intrusive thoughts and feelings?
- Do you constantly overthink and overprepare out of what may be called paranoia?
- Is fantasizing about a drastically different world, in spite of destruction, appealing to you?
- Are "monsters" and "villains" often more relatable to you?
- Are you struggling with believing yourself worthy of existing?
What is your score? You can keep it to yourself if you prefer. I'm currently at a 5 but I've been at 10. A score of 5 and bellow will make you odd. Beyond that, it would likely mean that there is much condensed intensity to work through, process, and transmute. You may be screwed but that can be mended to a degree.